Long time No Blog

So As of right now at this very moment I  have so many emotions running through me that I don't even know where to begin. A lot has happened since I last blogged. Currently, I'm trying to cope with my anxiety and possibly depression. I have had anxiety issues for years ever since I can remember. I would not be so hard if I wasn't losing my mind every damn Day. I have 3 step children (Might as well be) that I have been around for 7 years now. I do everything for these kids and more since their mother isn't in the picture, I can not believe that 3 kids can have so much hate in them and Dis-respectfulness towards an adult. I get called a bitch, fat ass, ugly, you name it I'm called it. Like I already deal with my own issues and insecurities let alone shit from them.. It is over-whelming and sometimes I feel If I were gone they would be happier. But I already left once I'm not going anywhere again. I hate for my kids to pick up on the older 3's bad behavior but what can I do. Life is frustrating, hard, confusing and crazy. Maybe all this is my fault maybe I have my own problems and I take them out on them? No not at all, I am fine until I get disrespected. That is when the never ending battle starts. How can they treat a person with no respect and or  gratefulness, but treat their mom like gold and the greatest fucking thing on earth when shes to wrapped up in drugs to take time out for her kids. I know that is their mom but come on I been here for them these past 7 years more than their mother has,  i dont know anymore I really dont